The Functioning Fishaholics

Aug 192011

Functioning Friday is all about fun.  What could be more fun that a beautiful HUGE Brown Trout crushing a poor defenseless mouse on the surface of the water?

Maybe you’ve already seen Once In a Blue Moon and the  amazing footage of what happens when Trout decide they want mice for dinner.  For those who haven’t seen this amazing flick, I present to you some other similarly themed films for your viewing enjoyment.  Happy Functioning Friday, Enjoy!

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And there you have it, another fun filled Functioning Friday!

Have you ever caught a monster trout on a mouse?  Let us know in the comments below!




Aug 182011

I bumped into Brandon Robinson @flystock the other day on Twitter and offered up a free post to help him promote an amazing event called FlyStock.  When he responded to my email I was expecting the usual, event details, promotional material, etc.  Instead I received a heartfelt message that really spoke to the reason behind this event and why it is important.

PLEASE take the time to read this whole post and hear the message Brandon is passing along.  Understand how the love of fishing can help our heroes.  Take action, clear your calendar, and GO to FlyStock:

You had me at fishing

When I got out of the Military I was a whole person, mentally and physically with all the digits, appendages, and personality given at birth.  That isn’t to say that getting out of that life didn’t take it’s toll on me despite that.  There was a huge part of “me” that was defined by my active duty status and suddenly, it was gone.  I was out of the service and I felt alone.  The civilian world is just different once you have been a service member.  Suddenly the world you came from, doesn’t know what to do with you coming back into it.

"Suddenly, it was gone..."

I found fly fishing and that gave me a way to “process” and deal with that loss with out any drugs or alcohol.  By no means am I complaining here, I was whole.  I was only dealing with the adjustment of not being active duty anymore.  An adjustment which, affects almost every detail of your life.

Imagine having that issue, but also having to deal with not being whole?  Either missing; limbs, motor skills, mental capacity, or having to deal with PTSD or “Survivor’s Guilt”.  It would be very easy and a lot of times is, to develop some kind of chemical dependency in a desperate and misguided attempt at therapy.


What is fly fishing to you?  To me, and to others on a greater scale, it is that therapy.  It is an escape from everything that weighs a person down and clouds the mind preventing a sense of inner peace. Did you know going in to the sport that it was going to provide that for you?  Of course not, but we were lucky enough to have someone introduce it.  There are many deserving heroes out there that should have the opportunity to find out. is that therapy.

This is why I am doing FlyStock.  Project Healing Waters, a 501(c)(3) organization, provides that opportunity to those that paid a huge price for this Nation’s safety.  I want to support that righteous cause.  The difference it makes in the lives of those that gave more than they should have, without being asked to, is immeasurable.

That said, how are we (that means you too!) helping?  By throwing a fundraiser that I hope will be different than anything you have ever been to!  We have a lot of stuff going on, and a lot of unique features to help us raise money without asking for much from you!  There will be: contests, music, clinics, guides, a silent auction, possible celebrity sightings, a ride share section, (Flying out?  Split the car rental with another angler!) and FISHING of course!  With the event being held ON THE WATER, there is a awesome chance to catch two seperate species of fish not found anywhere but Central Texas! All proceeds are going to PHWFF!

Get involved!  Sponsorship is a great way to promote your blog!  You can sponsor this event for less than the cost of a new fly rod!  Click here for sponsorship details!

For more info: Contact Brandon, @flystock on Twitter or head on over to the FlyStock website


Aug 142011

Hello fellow fishermen.  Do you find yourself wondering what to purchase with all of the millions of dollars you are sitting on?

Worry no more!  The Functioning Fishaholics Store is open for business!  

OK, so none of the merchandise is actually ours (yet) but if you happen to buy something it will result in a few cents going back into our tacklebox.  Oh and the store also has a link to our famous Funcfish T-shirts!

You can get to the store by clicking the store link at the top of the page or by clicking here


Aug 142011

Warning:  This post may contain references to poop.  Reader discretion is advised!

As I pointed out in my last fishing report, there was one fish who’s pictures didn’t make the cut.  There are some things that just aren’t proper to place in a fishing report.  So what do we do?  How bout a separate post all about fish, digestion, and poop?

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The short video above is most likely a real scientists version of how fish digestion works.  Food goes in, waste comes out. While the video is chock full of interesting info, here on The Functioning Fishaholics we like to do things in reverse order.

Which brings us to this guy:

Deep Creek Smallmouth with issues

Nope, that's not an extra fin...

As you can see here, this fish seems to have grown what appears to be an additional fin.  Shall we look closer?

this smallmouth bass has a claw stuck

Fish, needs fiber, badly

Eww.  That’s no fin, that’s a Crayfish claw!  I felt really sorry for this greedy little glutton.  Perhaps someone should start making a fiber pill for fish.

Crayfish in Smallmouth bass mouth

You're still hungry?!

Funny thing about this Smallmouth Bass was he also had a half eaten Crayfish in his mouth.  Sorry about the overly bright picture here but it was the only way to see the claw.

While fishing I saw a gang of large fish roaming the water in packs and scaring Crayfish from their hiding places.  Perhaps their strategy for eating is causing them to over eat.   This fish had a fat belly which I can only imagine was packed full of yummy Crayfish.

smallmouth bass teeth

A toothy critter

I’ve read somewhere that when Smallmouth bass eat mainly Crayfish they tend to grow larger teeth.  This was the best picture I could get of Smallmouth Bass teeth on the trip.  Interestingly enough, these were a little smaller than the ones on the other fish I caught that day.  Almost like little needles, one of the fish I caught mouthed the top of my thumb and it actually hurt!

I love seeing new outdoor things for the first time.  Fish poop and Smallmouth teeth might not be something talked about by most people at the dinner table, but here at The Functioning Fishaholics we are fascinated by all things fish, even their poo.

Are you fascinated by fish poop?  Are you growing larger teeth from eating too many crawdads?  Let us know in the comments below!

Aug 142011

From time to time I like to do what I can for other organizations, businesses, and clubs, that I bump into online.  I met Josh on Twitter @SEEMZ_Tech and asked if he would mind telling me more about his company.  SEEMZ makes a great scent elimination product for hunters and it turns out it can even be used by fishermen!  Check it out:

SEEMZ Technology’s products are intended primarily for hunting, but they are useful and effective in a wide range of outdoors
applications.   T.H.E.E. Krush Odor Eliminator is a scent eliminator spray and it can be used to eliminate fish odor from your hands.  Simply rinse your hands in water, spray some SEEMZ on your hands, rub in thoroughly, and then rinse in water or wipe off.  It is safe and gentle on skin.  The 12oz bottle is the perfect size to put in your tackle box.  SEEMZ T.H.E.E Krush is readily biodegradable so there is no concern about putting dangerous chemicals in the water.

T.H.E.E. Krush Odor Eliminator is a versatile tool for outdoorsman.  It is effective for musty tents, stinky boots, waders, tackle boxes, and much more.  Spray it with SEEMZ and in a few minutes it will smell fresh and clean. All orders with SEEMZ are backed with a Risk Free No Questions Asked 100% Money Back Guarantee SEEMZ is an essential tool for outdoorsmen and women year-round!!  Wherever something or someone STINKS, SEEMZ can help!!

Disclaimer:  The Functioning Fishaholics is promoting this great American company through the goodness of our own hearts.  No compensation, gear, beer, free dinners, or even snacks, were traded for this post.

Aug 132011

Lately the weather in Southeastern PA has been awesome.  It’s almost like fall has come early.  The air is cooler and the water temperatures are way down.  I decided to head out to Deep Creek today to see if I could find a monster Smallmouth Bass that I almost caught a few months back.

Deep Creek Smallmouth 1 8-13-11

This Smallmouth had some nice spots

I tried a bunch of different lures on this trip but mostly got hits on Senkos and a medium sized popper.  The Smallmouth above was caught on a 3″ watermelon Senko.

Deep Creek Smallmouth 4 8-13-11


I can’t say the fishing was bad today (obviously) but what I can tell you is the bite was slow.  Deep creek is a highly pressured body of water so finesse and presentation is very important.

Deep Creek Smallmouth 5 8-13-11

I'm addicted to shots like these

As I walked through the park today there were a lot of folks fishing on the banks of Deep Creek Dam.  I always try to see what people are using for bait.  Today the folks fishing at Green Lane park were using 80% worms, 10% silver spinners, and 10% unknown lures.

Deep Creek White perch 8-13-11

Ooh look a White Perch

While I usually consider these an invasive species, the lone White Perch I caught today was a treat.  This fish was on the larger side for a White Perch and put up one heck of a fight when I tried to get him off of the hook.

Deep Creek Smallmouth 3 8-13-11

Almost looks like plastic

Don’t fish just look so darn cool?  This is a side view of one of the bigger Smallmouth Bass I caught today.

Deep Creek Smallmouth 2 8-13-11

This one will be HUGE next year

The bellies on some of these fish were just obscene.  The Smallmouth Bass at Deep Creek were gorging themselves on crayfish today, it was gross.  At one point it even looked like they might have been hunting in packs in the rocky shallows.  These fish were HUNGRY.

I caught another big Smallmouth today with a huge belly but I’m going to save him for an upcoming post entitled “Why Bass need fiber.”

Deep Creek Dam Largemouth Bass 8-13-2011

Popped this one on a Popper

My largest fish of the day was this Largemouth Bass.  After a few missed strikes this guy followed my Popper all the way up to the shoreline where it proceeded to obliterate it right in front of my face.

Oh and I found a new invasive species today…

wtf? Is this some sort of decorative fabric?


While I don’t know its proper Latin name, I’m pretty sure most people would call this a WTF? fish.  Perhaps it is in the same family as the boot fish, this specimen was displaying beautiful maroon and gold stripes just in time for mating season.

Today was awesome.  While I didn’t catch the monster Smallmouth I was hunting I still had one heck of a day!

Have you caught any strange and unusual fish species lately?  Let us know in the comments below!

Aug 132011

Welcome to episode 2 of Functioning Friday!   Cause it’s Friday night and if you are here, you’ll probably read anything…  Time for some random tidbits…

Kicking dogs = bad karma

This week’s edition centers around a failed attempt at knocking a dog into the water.  Don’t try this at home

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Not too much tonight since I’m working on a few larger posts so to compensate I’m going to share my new favorite non-fishing YouTube show.  For those of you who like cooking…



Well there you have it.  Short and sweet.  Hope you are either out enjoying your Friday night OR getting to bed early to get up and hit the water at dawn!

Drop us some love in the comments below, we’d love to hear from ya!


Aug 072011

The world’s favorite, crazy, southern fly fisherman, OWL Jones started a bit of a feud this week between the fishing community and millions of mommy bloggers.  It seems Owl is exploring new ideas for ways to monetize his fly fishing blog and in doing so wrote a post called “The Sleazy Side of Blogging”.  His post is calling out what Owl sees as an unfair tactic to making money on your blog .

While Owl is a great fishing blogger and buddy, neither him, nor I, nor many of you, will ever make a worthy sum of money on our fishing blogs.

Born this way

Here’s five reasons why your fishing blog will never make money:


1.  90% fishing passion

Passion is at the heart of all great works of literature.  You love fishing and you love telling the world about fishing.  Good for you.  While you may be an amazing author, you aren’t going to make money.

If blogging were your only source of income, you would die a poor deprived fisherman, rod in hand, pocket full of sinkers, DOWN BY THE RIVER.

If you write your blog with 90% passion and 10% business sense, you may as well hang up your aspirations of ever making money.  You can be a phenomenal outdoor writer but if you don’t spend 50% of your time working on “ethical” ways to monitize and promote your blog, you have a hobby not a source of passive income.


2.  Trying to make money feels dirty

What is an “ethical” way of making money?  Do you feel dirty about posting affiliate links or placing banners on your site?  DON’T.  Making money should never feel sleazy.  As long as you’re not harming anyone else or being dishonest, you DESERVE to get paid.  Add up the hours that you spend working on your site, taking pictures, and writing content.  The time you’ve spent working on your site is time you didn’t spend with your family, working a second job, or fishing.

I make it a point to click ads on sites that I read because I know money will go into a writer’s pocket.  That writer has sacrificed their time to make the content I enjoyed and they deserve the .20 cents a click will bring.

How does the real world work?  Head on over to your favorite news source, are there ads?  YES.

Not even good ads...

ads aren't dirty

Top tier news sources that millions of people turn to every day run ads and no one cares.  I’ve even seen news sites like Fox News work ads inbetween their “fair and balanced” content to the point where you can’t tell the difference between news and an ad.  And you’re worried about placing a small banner ad?

My point here is this:  People expect to see ads.

Making ads and affiliate links unobtrusive and relevant will eliminate any pain for your readers and in some cases may even help them find something new.

I’ve tailored the Google ad on this page to serve mostly outdoor related ads.  Is it over the top?  No.  If you’d like help doing this on your site let me know.


3.  You have an addiction to fishing

Hi my name is Matt, I’m a Functioning Fishaholic.  While I can’t tell you how to fix this problem, I can tell you about my life.  I fish three or more days a week.  I spend countless hours reading posts and engaging the fishing community on social media.  I tie flies, I make my own lures, and at least once a week I shop for new fishing gear.  I think about fishing when I eat, when I sleep, and yes even when I poop.

Sound familar?  If you are anything like  me you may think to yourself, “gee how do I ever focus on making money on my site, I have all of this great content to post!”

Guess what?   If you spend all of your time being a fisherman you won’t have any time left to make money on your site.  What’s worse, all that “awesome content” is probably made up of daily updates most people don’t even care to read.

Try this:  Take one night a week and focus on monetizing your site.  Once you start getting paid for your efforts I can almost guarantee the quantity of your posts will go down but the quality will go way up.


4.  You write for your fans and not strangers

Do only a few loyal blogger buddies get your jokes?  Are the same 10 people always leaving comments?  Perhaps you are writing for your fans and not branching out to new readers.  It’s easy to stick to what you know.  Look at my page, most of the posts are average fishing reports that talk about the same bodies of water and the same old crap.  BORING!

Make a habit of shaking things up on an constant basis.  Take a look at Troutrageous!, Mike makes a healthy habit of throwing in what he calls “utter nonsense”.  His posts include sports, technology, hot chicks, and a healthy dose of fishing.  His variety keeps people coming back for more.

Readers eventually get tired of field reports and fish porn.

Mix your topics up a little:  Write a post that teaches something, do a product review, interview someone.  Make a habit of keeping your readers off guard.  Mix it up and more people will come.  More traffic  = more opportunity to make money.


5.  You don’t write about making money online

OK this one isn’t your fault.  Ever notice that the people who claim to make the most money online are the ones who write about how to make money online?  Take the website, Pro Blogger for example, it is full of great information.  The author Darren Rowse is an awesome writer with a HUGE collection of information on monetizing your blog.

Let’s look at his business model:  Every blogger would like to make money | Most bloggers will research how to make money online | Some bloggers will even buy info and eBooks on monetizing their blog.  <- See what he did here?

Lesson:  Create things that are useful to your readers.  Don’t be afraid to invent a non-traditional business model.  If it provides value to you, someone else in the world will pay for it.  Innovation = $


Thanks for taking the time to read this article.  I know it is light on pictures and heavy on information.  So as a reward, leave a comment below and I’ll email you a PDF of over 100 of my personal ideas and resources for making money on your fishing blog.  Yes I’m giving away my precious cache of ideas for making money online but I don’t care.  

Image from

Post a comment for my free guide

Times are hard.  If I can help a fellow fisherman feed his family it is worth more to me than a little extra $$ in my pocket.  Leave me a comment – get the guide.



Aug 052011

Are you ready for something new?  Welcome to Functioning Friday, our first attempt at a weekly (or perhaps monthly) post/feature.

Friday nights are always dead traffic wise, so it’s as good a time as any for some bad content.  Someone has to show the boring, weird, and pointless underbelly of the fishing world…  So here we go, right here, right now, it’s Functioning Friday!

What Functioning Friday feels like on the water

The first steaming bit of fishing awesomeness is something I bumped into at D*cks Sporting Goods.  Chock full of LED lights, I present the Clown Reel.

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The next and final item for this evening is a new recordbreaking fish I took on the fly.  This puppy topped out at a massive 1 1/2″ and at least 1.5oz!

Massive 1.5oz fish

So there you go.  Hopefully all of you are out partying rather than reading fluff like this on a Friday night.

Oh and if you enjoy borderline crap like this you may want to take a look at the following blogs (yes, tonight we worked together on this community wide debacle of bad blogging.)

Troutrageous!  (Warning you will need to wash your eyes afterward)
Owl Jones (Another catchy ditty that’ll make you want to drill a hole in your head)
Lunker Hunt (Two men, two beards, lots of love…)

So wow…  There’s a little Friday Night Craptastic Blogger War action for ya!

Did you put something on the internet tonight that really doesn’t belong there?  Let us know in the comments below!

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